Life as a specimen

Life as a specimen.

For a long while now ,  I've felt  as though my life is a specimen.  Not one lived from ones own perspective, rather one lived for the sole purpose of research.  Not my own of course  and that is what is so maddening.  Who would possibly see my life as  a research worthy endeavour?  Yes, there have been one or two peculiar /painful/embarrassing/obnoxious/overwhelming and distasteful moments.  But there have been many more mundane days of which it seems merely the waiting out was the most exciting part of that day!  Some of these of course were very pleasing days...days of idyll ...I recall living far from the city and laying in the shade on the porch, closing my eyes, listening to the stillness, the only break to which being the droning of an "heavier than air" bumble bee, or the mewing of a gull.  However, I digress...yes, a feeling that I am living my life for another's amusement.  Being pull/pushed along and making decisions that didn't seem like mine in the end at all. 

What I did recognize as my very own, was a feeling of dread, deep sadness, disappointment in my fellow man...(when I say "my fellow man" it just seems so false)  

I don't feel a part of mankind at all.  Some would say I have  a feeling of disenchantment, disengagement, of not belonging.  Not so,  I say.  It is a feeling that I belong, but the rest of you are trespassing in my world.  To add to that - you are making a right bloody mess of it! More to follow I think...perhaps.

COOKIE HEAD

My sister Wendy and I are making some cookies for Christmas this year...here are a few of mine that I have made so far.

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  Pfefferneusse


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  Orange Almond Shortbread


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  Christmas Cookies


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  (Ice Box Cookies)


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  Finnish Nut Logs

It was fun and seems like it's the beginning of a new hobby...or something!

It had to happen...

Yes, it did have to happen...personal cleansing of my innards.

So after a strange journey, Lithotripsy, and having a stone blasted, the ensuing collection of specimens...very weird, I felt the time had come to take action. Always interested in nutrition but of late very half hearted application. I knew the value of fasting, the value of reducing red meat, sodium, fats, sugars, processed foods, etc., but until I was diagnosed with Kidney stones it didn't seem to hit home. So, no time like the present for a good old fashioned Kidney flush. The more I read, the more amazed I am that it took me so long to get straight! Yuck, what I've been eating...how could I.

So, I'm now on the third day of cleansing and am rapidly detoxifying...the only side effects so far is a mild, underlying headache...have to increase my plain water intake I'm told, so will do.

I thought it would be crazy, no food, but guess what? No hunger pangs at all...mind you I am keeping to a pretty strict regimine and schedule, so sure that helps!

The photos are of the ingredients and how I do it is prepare the days glog in the morning, one container for am and one container for pm, keeping the one for pm in the fridge until I am ready to use it. So lets see how it goes, I'm feeling pretty good so far!

gone again?

So I opened the door and there was no one there.

I wondered...was there ever anyone there?

I decided no.

At that juncture a feeling of calm descended over the garden. Stepping out, the fragrance of the earth filled the space with calm. Breath deeply, this is a moment...just that, a moment.

thinking too much

thinking...I can drive right into a stall in my local lube shop and have my oil changed in 10 minutes...the last time I stopped at the clinic for a physician to examine my throat and say "uh huh", I waited two hours in the waiting room and another 20 minutes once inside the surgery.
From these two experiences, I deduced that cars are more important than human beings in our society.
Recently, my town decided to put a road through a local park, to make it easier for people to get from A to B...without having to go around that pesky park. Too bad for me, I bought my house at the outskirts of the park, on the road they intend to make into a thoroughfare...oh dear, there goes the neighbourhood...oh well...and this in spite of the letters to mayor and council, mla, petition signed etc. Maybe there is gold or oil to be had in the park...? So, from this I deduced it is more important to get places fast than to save our global air filtration system. These are just a couple of things that I find strangly disconcerting...I find my head shaking from side to side.
This time we are in reminds me of a time I read about long ago, where things were not as the people felt they should be and they did something called at that time...protest... another time it was called a revolution...I wonder if people do this any more...or if they just sit and twitter?

Fern Fronds and Empty Ponds

On feeling empty.

That day, late spring, this feeling of foreboding of nothingness had crept in and made it's nest in the pit of my stomach. There was nothing for it, I'm afraid, I picked up my usual restore, a book of sumi poetry...nothing and nothing more.

Couldn't shake it, my heart was squeezed by the hollowness just below and the sharp pain of it breaking jabbed and stabbed, needling away.

I turned from the book, opened the door and walked through, on to the little patio I loved so much. I remember the smell of the earth after a long hard rain...all ozoney and fresh and new. That fragrance of composting deposits of leaves and needles from the fall before. This began to fill me. Then, over to the right, beneath the

Akrasia - in a nut shell

I won't bore you with the definition. If you are reading this blog...well, I guess you know full well the meaning...don't you?

Don't fear however, seems that the entire world is afflicted with Akrasia and there is little or nothing that anyone, in this day, can do to reverse it!

Once one realizes the nature of Akrasia the only solution is to "unlearn" the patterned behaviour before it ends us in a lamentable state of perpetual anguish.

Well, this nut, for one, thinks it's all about control...losing it when we are young...becoming the controlled. Rebelling against the control freaks when we are adolescents and liking the power it made us feel we had. Becoming addicted to that power, if only over our own decisions and in turn, becoming the control freak. The circle of life or just the circle of sadness.

Knowing of course that many things we were told were bad, are absolutely good for us and those things we were given as rewards, were ultimately bad for us...celebrate with cake...hmmm.

o.k. let's look at that one:

- you are happy, you celebrate with something that is ultimately bad for you...simple cake...tastes so good, makes you happy for a few minutes, but if you have two or more pieces, you start to feel really bad...then you are told that it is bad for you to eat to much cake, that you only get when you are celebrating...happy, don't ... happy and celebrating are bad then...because our little brains don't distinguish between some and too much...there is no switch that is pulled when you've gone too far! The term "everything in moderation" doesn't fly anymore as once you are "in it" (the indulgent state) it is near impossible to pull out!

Ahhh to be a saint...